The turd mining industry has been struggling throughout all of 2015 with more and more people shifting onto a gluten free diet. Turd miners everywhere are feeling the hard effects.
Turd Mining, which is as old as America, has been relying on an ever increasing market of turds since opening mines back in the 1700's. The industry has grown exponentially following Americas growth. New diets in America, however, have been crippling the industry.
In the last year more than 80,000 turd miners have been laid off and more than 37 turd rendering plants closed. The decline correlates directly to the rise of the gluten free diet. Jeb Cobble has been laid off after more than 30 years in the industry. "My father was a turd miner, my fathers father was a turd miner, and his father was a turd miner. Turd mining is in my blood, what the hell am I gonna do without it?" said Cobble, visibly shaken.
CEO of Turds-R-Us had this to say, "Gluten is important for healthy turd manufacturing. We've been seeing more and more unhealthy turds that are virtually unusable. No gluten, no turd. Just last week we had to shut down our largest mine."
The future of turd mining is most uncertain. Economists fear that within 10 years the turd mining industry could go bankrupt. Solutions? Economists say you should eat more gluten. Or in the words of Dr. Seuss, "Eat more gluten with a mouse, eat more gluten in a house, eat more gluten here or there, eat more gluten everywhere!"