Having a bad day at work? Need help getting out of a crumby work meeting? Having trouble evacuating your bowels? Or maybe you just enjoy a good rush? Check out our guide on how to Crap Your Pants At Work.
Step 1). Don't go to the bathroom before going to work.
Step 2). Wear some loose underwear. You don't want anything too tight.
Step 3). Drink a lot of caffeine. Nothing like a morning coffee rush to get that sphincter moving.
Step 4). Ignore all restroom signs.
Step 5). Hold it until you're sure you have a nice movement coming.
Step 6). Push
Step 7). In a high, shrill voice yell, "Oh my god! I pooped my pants!"
Step 8). Make eye contact with your boss, or at least the nearest person in your office.
Step 9). Clutch your buttox and run out of the building in a panic.
Step 10). Go home and enjoy. Don't feel you have to clean up right away. Enjoy yourself for a while, after all, you've earned it.
Additional notes: If you have trouble crapping your pants eat some beans the night before. If that doesn't help you can always take some laxatives (we suggest Kroger laxatives). If you enjoy doing it you can also crap your pants at home or in some other public place.